Now, for anybody who hasn’t seen the Britney Spears trainwreck of a performance at this year’s MTV Video Music Awards, I highly recommend you venture to YouTube immediately, so that you can witness something truly horrid.

Yes, she’s not singing (what a surprise,) and worse, she’s lip-syncing her own song badly.

Yes, she’s not really dancing either, and the bikini is a little too tight for her two-kids-and-counting body.

Yes, it’s a disaster…but unforgivably…it’s boring.

And that’s a failure of the new Britney brand, eh?

I’m not going to analyze the merits and deficits of somebody who can’t sing having a pop music career. But as a re-branding of Britney from ‘amusing, tabloid disaster’ to ‘reborn, dancehall poptart’ was an utter failure. Moreover, the existing brand of ‘amusing, tabloid disaster’ was severly tarnished by the utter dullness of her performance.

Think about it: Britney’s musical career may have been in the toilet since her marriage, divorce and kids (all before 25, no less…proving you can take the kid out of the South, but…)

She may have become a punch-line…a younger Anna Nicole, or perhaps a less-talented (and MUCH less savvy) Shannen Doherty/Brenda Walsh. But she was interesting. The new Britney may be a crap mother and a washed-up has-been singer…but we all wanted to see what she’d wreck next…due to her living up to her brand of ‘amusing, tabloid disaster.’

The key here is amusing. Which last night’s performance was not.

Now, some may argue that good branding depends on product quality, and that Spears is just a bad product, and thus, her ‘brand’ isn’t selling in the market. That’s feces from a bull, folks…especially in the entertainment industry. It’s been a long time since one needed talent to succeed in Hollywood. But you always had to be interesting.

Frankly, Britney had me at ’shaved her own head.’ At her present brand ideological development, the Star-Trek-chick-chic she sported was perfect. Her public wanted something more out-of-control and bizarre then the naked vagina-dress shots (and really, if everybody’s doing it, how is it cool?) Thus, Britney sheared her own head.

You couldn’t find a better way to sell ‘amusing, tabloid disaster’ if you tried.

But her VMA performance? Whatever the new Britney brand is, it wasn’t conveyed last night…unless it’s ‘chunky, bored has-been.’ Worse still, by eliminating ‘amusing’ from ‘tabloid disaster,’ Britney may have lost her shot at a camp comeback, a William Shatner style of celebrity, if you will.

For example, if Britney came out in the bikini and complained about bein over-dressed…and then whipped off her wig to reveal a still bald skull-cap…that would have been one for the record books. Or even a shirt that read ’shaven, not stirred.’

Or…she could have made fun of her supposed bad parenting by dressing up the kids in her bikini outfit, simultaneously incorporating her brood into the act (a la ‘Sonny and Cher’) while smacking her critics in the face.

The point is this…if Britney is going to keep up with the ‘amusing, tabloid disaster’ act, she’d better get back to shaving her head and going nuts. Because that brand at least secures her a job as one of the ‘famous for being famous.’

Boring Britney? Now that’s the real career-ender.

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